pre-conceptions: a few words about the history and the process of the writings on these pages


The intro to this site describes it as "an informal presentation" - and so it will be. While I marvel at many of the hi-gloss websites produced to showcase metaphysical magicians and performers of all kinds, I apparently lack their resources.

My therapy and teaching career began in 1969 (in London). And while the next many years produced a wealth of experience, it was not until 1981 that I found myself sitting in a magical retreat house in the hills of Bali (Indonesia), when it finally felt like it was time to totally commit to writing - I had been putting it off for many, many years. I called an end to my ritual of festival-making, world travel and public programs, and returned to Australia to create a family-centered retreat in the 'bush' where I spent the next many years 'making babies and books' (my official job title). Life in the rainforests and the whitesand beaches of the South Pacific was beautiful - what I needed to write - but not the place to be for publishing or for real-time discusssion at the far reaches of mind and awareness (perhaps anyone's, certainly my own). So I made a commitment to 'begin the work' without any expectation of publication or reward. A pure retreat situation. I made a 'contract' with the inner-outer source of my inspiration to write toward an audience that might read my words, if they be read at all, many years after my passing. So I wrote the words on these pages for no one, and yet, since you are reading something here, I recognize that I must have written them for YOU.

A problem with that writing situation was the extreme effects of such profound (pre-internet) isolation. Those with whom I might find some professional or theoretical discourse were more likely to be in London, Paris, New York, etc. It is just the way of things. But I was very stubborn and so 'created' conversations on the beach, in the forests, in the inner heart of being, with whomever I met. Decades later, I laugh to imagine what they must have thought (despite my best efforts, I never found out). The effect of this intellectual isolation resulted in many of my works being unfinished - simply left and abandoned because even with my total intentional commitment to work alone, I often could not find any reason to move forward with any particular piece, in that total vaccuum of human non-response. It is this unfinished, unedited quality of much of what will be included here that led to their being filed away as other projects emerged and begged for their chance to at least be started in my word-studio of the empty mind. Well, they begged me, and I usually relented and followed their call and promise... off to another realm.

By the time I began serious writing, my real-time work with real humans had already covered a fairly broad range of cultures and subcultural mindsets. I never learned to speak much Balinese, French or Spanish, but as I traveled through the English-speaking world I 'spoke' many dialects, from those of a philosopher and psychologist, to those of a new age healer and ritual-maker - and in the later years with some 'ghetto' and a smattering of 'Valley Girl' from my kids' social influences. Some of the circles I moved in despised intellectuality; others were afraid of anything 'spiritual,' some in other lands, claimed to speak 'very good' English but really only understood vibes and smiles, agreeing with serious nods to anything said. In non-English-speaking, tribal cultures, Heart speaks - and in that discourse we are all shamans, meeting in conversations made of signs and gestures, eyes and breath.

Even within the at least ostensibly English-speaking world, writing from an experiential epistemological perspective presents problems. An early supporter of my group work and writing once observed that he typically experienced me beginning a written work by talking to a psychologically and philosophically sophisticated academic audience - and then suddenly alientaing them when I began to include meta-psychological (or spiritual) content and concepts in my writing. Likewise, he saw that the 'New Age' eco-spiritual folks might like my more poetic and visionary writing but were totally alienated at anything that became 'too deep' or which had 'too many words.' After eliminating 97% of every potential audience at a time, he felt that I might only be left with a very few potential readers. Over the decades, I have seen just how predictive his words apparently were.

The overall meaning of 'yoga' is 'union.' And as such, the field of all the yogas (and there are many) should include everything - the 'all and everything' of human experience and consciousness. Unfortunately, those who self-identify as yogis today tend to want to hear reiterations of the traditionally structured concepts of consciousness and spirit that they already know, without being pushed to recognize the essential functions of emotionality (or, sometimes, sexuality) in connecting bodily-mental-spiritual experience and motivating individual change. Expanding the implications of Vedic or Buddhist precepts easily alienates followers of these pathways - even before I find a way into some of the deeper problems of fear of women and anachronistic hierarchy that is entrenched in their teaching models and belief systems.

In, I suppose, a similar conservative mode, the wholistic and alternative healers want systems, certification, 10 steps (or maybe 12) to enlightenment and wholeness, yet often have difficulty realizing that every instant of experience carries the keys to understanding consciousness as one, unified manifestation, as experiential infinity - and that everything that exists is simultaneously the cause and the effect of everything else. Consciousness is not difficult to experience or to describe, but its constructs and symbols do not confer one with a title, a marketing plan and a new identity as a 'healer' when they are directly lived. So many New Age 'practitioners' tend to self-disqualify when offered a broader universe of natural healing and integration. But I have lived through many of these cultural differences and so I will now openly cross all of these sub-sects' imperatives and paradigms and post these 'writings to no one' - and my writings to you.

Time and energy constraints will make it impossible to go through all of these manuscripts before they are posted here, to do any kind of reasonably complete 'final edits' - or even just to see how far my own understanding has moved since these words were enscribed. This could be potentially embarrassing, of course, except for the great Zen proviso that it does not really matter at all and as one of my family said, in an effort to resolve this problem for me long ago, "Probably no one will read them anyway!" One day perhaps a student or friend will do some editing or perhaps type some of the pre-computer era typewriter manuscripts - but I am not holding my breath (at least for that). I will just post manuscripts here as I can - and leave it to individual visitors to this site to see if anything is of use to them.

There is a certain pomposity to a making a book. In fact, hardly any mortal being feels as self-inflated as one who has finally finished a book. The contents are all layed out (hopefully in an effective linear arrangement) and you open it and off you go - following the author's carefully organized presentation... and the author's mind. Some of us read differently, perhaps getting more from a few words than an entire chapter; learning what is being said more by a process of intuitive osmosis than literal absorption of the writer's ideation. I advocate opening any book - or these writings - anywhere, reading until one experiences whatever orgasmic revelation may be possible and then letting the pages close or flow elsewhere, without blame or expectation. The internet has made this kind of relationship to Word much easier and more accessible.

I personally tend to read in two modes: subliminal skimming, in trust that key words will leap off the page and invite me in; or very, very slowly, allowing each new concept to play through as much of my whole-life experience as it can possibly access. Very few words sometimes create enormous shifts in my operating paradigm. Let's see what you make of it. No one is looking, revelation is all-ways free and enlightenment is inevitable for all of us. I am just offering you these words to help you pass the time on your way to nirvana.

So... please enter this pool anywhere. Stay for awhile. Get off (or on). Maybe fall asleep. And move on, whenever. Identifying 'what' we read - or even 'who' wrote it - seems far less important to me than letting the experience of the archetype of 'The Word' play through your experience of life, however it will, bringing whatever it can to deepen and celebrate your whole-being experience. If a few theoretical pieces catch your eye and bring meaning to you, then we have both succeeded. And if weighty theory suddenly makes a quantum leap into something transcendental, let's just go with it. After all, the direct experience of Infinity only hurts when we suppress and deny its... infinity. So jump right in. The water is fine!



in other words

manuscript titles

life process

sound & vision